Strike at the North Pole

SANTA IN TROUBLE

The North Pole County Council and Health and Safety Excutive have both released reports on the way Santa Claus conducts his buisness. Both are extremely critical and could lead to criminal investigation.

One of the main areas of concerns are the working condition of Santa's little helpers, in particular wages and holiday allowance. Currently they are entitled to only one day year as holiday (Christmas day) and work for upto  12 hours a day unpaid. One of the Little Helpers, who wishes to remain anonymous, said "We work so hard to make the wishes of children come true but we our wishes of a fair working conditions never does" while another said "the Reindeer get better treated then us". The local council have ordered Santa the remedy this suituation immediately or face prosecution.

Santa could also face criminal charges over the nature of the presents he delivers because the Council report states "Making presents and passing them off as top brands is in direct breach of copyright laws". Although Santa has been producing presents this way for years it is believed that many of the worlds top brands will now seek compensation for lost income which could run into millions of pounds.

Other areas highlighted in the report are Santa's delivery pratices particulary gaining entry to a premises down a chimney. A representive of the HSE said "This method of entry is not only a potential fire risk but fall hazard. At no time does Santa wear any safety equipment and as far as I know has not had any specialist training. Added to this is the safety of the reindeer because parking a sled on a sloping rooftop is just asking for trouble". The HSE report also highlighted the fact that Santa is often drunk in charge of the sled whilst speeding which the HSE says sets a "sets a bad example" as well "irresponsible"

Santa, after the reports were released, issued the following statement:

Having brought joy to world for so long without the inference from the nanny state it sadden me that beaurocrats have decided that I can no longer continue to work as I do. In order for me to comply with all the recommendations I would have to increase my workforce as well as employ several thousand people to do the deliveries. This will result, unfortunatley, in the adding of  a delivery charge in sterling not mince pies or sherries. This as you know will remove the 'goodwill' nature of Christmas and just make me part of the money making machine. 

To the issue of 'passing off'  I have instructed my lawyers to begin negotiations with the various companies and, as from next year, I will not be making or delivering present I do not have a licence for.

I'm would also like to make it clear that I do not drink and drive, that part of the report simply assunes that I drink at every house. I would like to put the record straight I tip a small amount of the sherry out to give the impression i've had a drink although I can't resist a Mince Pie

Santa  has not been available to speak to directly but it is assumed that it will be buisness as usually this year.